Marriage is the final frontier of your relationship. Once you decide to get married, it means you have full faith in your partner and you can live together for your entire life. But getting married and living together as a couple isn’t the same thing.
You may have been living together for many years, but a marriage can put both of you in an entirely different challenging situation. Some factors need to be considered before getting married to make sure you are ready for it.
1. Communicate With Each Other
Communicating about everything is a must when you’re in your premarital stage. If you are carrying a big secret and aren’t comfortable sharing it with your partner, it might be a huge problem when you get married.
A study published in 2010 reports that couples who had better premarital communications can handle negative emotions better. They also had better adjustment comparing the other couples. [1]
If you are not in a relationship before, you may feel like you’re married to a stranger. Communication can help break the ice between you and your partner. So, communicate consistently and discuss almost everything. Make sure you are comfortable with each other before getting married.
2. Discuss The Finances
It’s important to talk about money before you start your life as a married couple. Discuss how you’re going to split the expenses, who will pay the bills, and whether you’ll have a joint account or not.
Discuss how much you are going to spend on your wedding and who’s paying for which item. Whether you want a simple wedding or a lavish one, it should be done with your mutual consent.
You may have kids after your marriage which will add some extra value to your expenses. If one of you needs to quit your job to raise the child, make sure you can afford to do so.
3. Discuss The Roles
Like the expenses, you should also split your household chores. If you hate cleaning, but love cooking, it’s good to let them know before your marriage.
Talk about who will do the laundry and who will clean the dishes before you start your life as a married couple.
4. Know Each Other’s Beliefs and Values
You need to understand each other’s values and beliefs before committing to spending the rest of your life together. Learn about what they love, their religious views, etc.
If you share different values and beliefs, learn to respect that as well.
A study was published in 2013. It shows the importance of a premarital education to avoid conflict after marriage. [2]
Knowing about each other’s points of view will help you get prepared before you get married. You can also consider putting an extra effort to cope with their views to make your marriage a successful one.
5. Go For a Premarital Counseling and Therapy
Premarital counseling is an important thing that most couples don’t understand the value of. You may find it difficult to talk about your past relationships, or confused about whether you’re ready for this marriage or not.
A counselor can help you sort things out you can’t do on your own. There might be some issues you feel uncomfortable discussing. Discussing those matters with a counselor may help you get mentally prepared for the lifelong commitment.
A 2017 study shows the efficacy of premarital counseling. 60 couples attended the trial. Some of them received training on communication and sexual skills, while the others didn’t. Those who received premarital counseling showed increased satisfaction in their marriage. [3]
You can physically meet a counselor. If you are concerned about the cost, you can also go for online counseling like Regain.us. It’s an online platform where you can get therapy for any relationship-related problem.
Some couples may find it costly, but going for premarital counseling is worth the money and will help you become ready for the marriage.
6. Discuss Affection, Sex, and Intimacy
If you know your partner for a long time, sex and intimacy may not be a problem for you. But if you know each other for a little time, it’s important to discuss these issues.
When you start living together after your marriage, sex will be an important part of your life. Don’t make it a ritual to have kids. Make sure you’re sexually comfortable and intimate with each other.
Research published in 2013 shows how you can have an intimacy conflict if you haven’t discussed this issue before your marriage. [4]
7. Discuss Parenting
You may have kids one day after you get married. It’s important to know both of you are ready for it. If one of you doesn’t want a baby, make sure you fix this issue before getting married.
If you have kids from your previous relationships, make sure your partner is okay with them. The same rule goes for you when it comes to your partner’s kids.
8. Meet Their Friends and Family
As you’re going to be a part of your significant other’s family, it’s crucial that you meet them and talk to them. You may have met them before, but getting married will change your relationship with them as well.
Let your friends and families be comfortable with your future husband/wife as well. Be prepared to tackle the situation together when the sweet parents turn into the in-laws from hell.
9. Solve The Name Game
One of the most crucial things people forget to discuss before marriage is the surname fact.
It’s a must to discuss what your family name will be. Do you want to change your surname?
Are you okay with your spouse not changing their family name? Fix these matters before you pronounce the marriage vow.
Bottom Line
Marriage is an important phase in a person’s life. You’re about to share every moment of your life with someone else. No matter how many times you’ve spent together before, marriage will change almost everything. So it’s important that you have a premarital discussion.
If you find it difficult to start this conversation, take help from a counselor. You can visit a counselor or go for online counseling. Premarital counseling may help you solve many issues you may not want to face after you’re married.
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