Not every marriage has a happy ending. Sometimes married couples go through a lot of troubles in their relationship that make them end the marriage. But like the marriage itself, divorce is not a process that you can jump on unprepared.
Separating from your spouse may give you peace of mind for a certain time, but can have a negative impact on your overall life in the long run.
A study shows that the outcomes of divorce may lead to a poor health condition, which includes a 23% higher mortality rate. [1]
Your mind might be filled with negative emotions, but you must not rush while filing a divorce. Whether you or your spouse want the separation, there are some factors you need to take care of first.
Consider the following issues before you call it a quit to avoid negative consequences during legal negotiations.
1. Hire a Good Lawyer
You need to hire a divorce attorney to litigate your case. If you can settle all issues with a lawyer that would be great. But, if you cannot, hire someone who has been practicing family and divorce law for at least 5-10 years.
A good attorney will quickly settle all the issues and fight for your rights at the same time.
So, before you decide to hire one, interview at least three divorce attorneys.
2. Fix Your Financial Problems
Money is one of the major issues you will have to settle in your divorce agreement.
Whether it’s for spousal or child support, you need to have a clear idea about your spouse’s earnings to get a fair share during divorce settlement negotiations.
The marital debt will be split based on who is more capable of paying the debt. So, have a clear idea of who is earning more. Also, look out for any financial information given by your spouse that is intentionally distorted.
You must show the documents of your and your spouse’s income. If one of you is self-employed, determining income will be tough. In that case, provide a copy of the bank account statement and financial business statement. Collect these reports before you file a divorce.
3. Plan a Post-Divorce Budget
Things won’t be the same after you get divorced. Your financial status may drop drastically.
So, you must be prepared before you file a divorce.
Make a plan on how you will live on your own after the divorce. Determine what you will have to do to live alone or with kids without your spouse’s support. Make a budget so that you won’t get hit by the bills you can’t pay.
4. Close All Joint Accounts
Many people, especially women find it difficult to purchase a car or house after a divorce. It’s because they have shared credit with their spouse. So, it’s important to establish credit in your name before the separation.
A study published in 2018 shows that women’s struggle with the economy and parenting following a divorce is chronic compared to that of a man. [2]
Close all the joint accounts you have with your spouse. Evaluate those accounts and make sure your spouse can’t clear out all the joint accounts.
It will help you to get a fair share of the credit. Also, spend moderately after a divorce to avoid any complications in the future.
5. Consider The Kids
Kids can become the biggest victims of separation. It can have a negative impact on their mind if they are not prepared.
Research published in 2014 reported that children living with their married parents can have better emotional, physical, and academic well-being. [3]
So as you’re planning to divorce your spouse, let your kids know and learn their opinions before you do so.
It’s important to decide with whom the kids will live after their parents get divorced and who will bear their expenses. Settle these issues before you go for the big fight.
6. Careful About Using Social Media
Don’t vent on social media. The status you put on Facebook, and the email you send will be there forever.
Be very careful what you write as text or on social media. Once you decide to get divorced, make moderate use of social media so that they can’t be used against you in the courtroom.
7. Seek Therapy and Counseling to Rethink Your Decision
Counseling is one of the most crucial things that most couples don’t go for before they get divorced. Not all marriage problems need to end up in divorce; they can be solved peacefully as well.
If you think you still love him/her, you may want to give your marriage a second chance. Marriage counseling can help you to rebuild the love and affection between you two.
A study published in the BMC Public Health shows the effectiveness of couple counseling. It reports improvement in a relationship following counseling. [4]
A counselor will listen to both of your opinions and will suggest ways beneficial for the marriage to work. He/she can help you understand and listen to each other’s problems which you didn’t want to do before.
Couple counseling can be done in two ways, in-person and online. You can find any marriage counselor near you to meet face to face. And if you’re not comfortable meeting them physically, you can go for online counseling.
Regain.us is such an online counseling platform. It has many licensed therapists who will help you sort things out before you call for a divorce. Besides, it’s not expensive, and your privacy will be given priority.
Conclusion
Divorce can happen in any marriage, for any reason. All you have to do is to find a way to end the relationship peacefully or make efforts to save it. If it’s a separation make sure no one gets hurt. Make yourself strong and move on. Learn about all the necessary steps you need to start a new life.
If you want the marriage to survive you can meet a couple of counselors to discuss the problems in your relationship. He/she may help you to make better decisions about your marriage.
READ NEXT: Couple Therapy to Overcome Trust Issues in Couples
